Wednesday, February 8, 2006

Hiding in My Shoes (Archive)

The column found below was published in February 2006 on Wu's Feetlinks. With Wu's passing in 2014, I have decided to preserve these columns here on the all new Wu's Feetlinks Columns Blog as new columnists carry on with the new ones. Please note: Website URLs, e-mail addresses, and mailing addresses found within these republished blogs may no longer be valid.

Patrick, Editor



Hello everyone. I'd like to apologize to Wu, and the Forum for the delay in February's article. I guess sometimes life just gets in the way of my favorite fetish, and sadly enough even my new Column. Thank you for your understanding. I really appreciate it.

Speaking of fetish... what do you think of the term foot fetish? Are you comfortable with it? Do you think that people understand fetishists? Or do you think the term conjures up strange images and abnormal behaviors inevitably sending out a negative connotation of who and what we are? I believe that foot fetishists are misrepresented, clearly misunderstood, and generally shunned by society. Now one may argue that the mass media, and of course the ease of internet access, might in fact be bringing foot fetish to a more mainstream position. But trendy or not, most fetishists including myself, don't really tell others that we have a fascination and sexual inclination towards feet. Sadly when we do tell others, they often want to judge and figure us to be very weird. As we get older, we are more inclined to either not care what others think, or we are just comfortable enough with our own sexuality to not concern ourselves with other people's aversions or close mindedness. This might be easier said than done. Even the most confident foot connoisseur is still going to be in situations where he or she doesn't really appreciate some of the social stigmas attached to this term or moreover a condition. Fetish is defined as: "A condition in which arousal and/or sexual gratification is attained through inanimate objects (shoes, pantyhose) or non-sexual body parts (feet, hair)... And is considered a problem when the object is needed in order to obtain arousal or gratification and the individual can not complete a sexual act without this object present." I guess this definition isn't too terrible, but people nonetheless can't seem to help, but equate foot fetish (as they understand it to be) with irrational obsessive and secretive sexual male behavior bordering on emotional / mental inability to deal with women or possibly some childhood trauma or Oedipus complex .The suggestion on a psychological level, is that foot fetishists are somehow 'ill'. Not to mention that some of them like the odor of smelly feet? Ahhh! They must be depraved! In a future column we'll certainly delve into the intoxicating allure of female foot pheromones. 

So I do believe that for most North Americans the term foot fetish is clearly derogatory. They are unwilling or mentally unable to move past distorted images of a weak submissive man prostrating himself in front of a powerful leather clad whip wielding dominatrix. Now don't misunderstand me - there is nothing wrong with those who choose a BDSM lifestyle and enjoy the interplay of pleasure and pain, or control and submission. I don't think that appreciating the beautiful form of a female foot is necessarily a submissive act either. I don't believe that masturbation to a part of the female form negates the rest of her physical / sexual being... or her as a person. Most of us do not fantasize about chopping a pretty ped off an unsuspecting ankle. Now do we? If any of you do, well then you would be in an entirely different category. lol Clearly we are all influenced by our childhoods, and the onset of pubarian masturbation as a potent proclaimer to our sexual selves. Behavioral imprinting and first sexual experiences do shape our desire to seek out sexual stimuli. If our first sexual experiences involved feet, shoes and other below the ankle infatuations... and that these objects were nearby at the time of masturbation, then it would be fair to say that an individual may subconsciously link to these objects. Early sexual experiences with objects or feet in our case, may identify orgasmic gratification and through association promote future arousal and comfort level with said object. There are numerous socio-psychological theories to attempt an explanation of foot fetishism and childhood memories. It really doesn't matter how we got our fetish, but that we come to terms with it as part of who we are. But it is only one aspect of what makes us sexually tick. Some people do suggest that foot fetish, as an illness or intimacy issue - makes it impossible to be sexually stimulated without the presence of feet. I find it very interesting that though most people have some type of 'sexual kink'... foot fetishists are still placed in a totally different social category. We are the sum total of our experiences, and it would be wrong to suggest that a foot fetishist is a social deviant without possible respect for his partner - as a complete person. Obviously there are men who love and obsess over boobs, butts, or hair etc... but they aren't considered freaks. But foot fetishists 'are.' I really don't like the word freak either... sigh!

With what I've say so far, one would think that I am directing this only towards men. Well that isn't quite correct. Actually I have a true story to share with you. When I first married my husband, though he enjoyed me from head to toe, and to my delight - spent a lot of time pleasuring me 'below the ankle'... he was very uncomfortable with the term foot fetishist. At that time, he had a male roommate who shared his townhouse. His friend was quite sexually promiscuous and would often bring home one night stands or little trolups who thought they actually had a chance to start a relationship with him. He was in search of that one girl that who had a body for sin, voracious sexual appetite, and always wanting to please him in every way, several times a day. In order to find this sex kitten, let's say he test drove a lot of models. Clearly not all these girls were equal, and some of them were quite annoying at 2:00 am. lol That is another story. Anyway how does this involve foot fetishism? Well, one day my husband's roommate found out about my foot fetish website, and he absolutely hit the roof! He didn't direct his anger towards my husband rather, he focused his fury and disgust towards me. He viciously turned on me. I was speechless. I really didn't feel that I deserved it. What I did in the privacy of my own bedroom wasn't his business. Just like I didn't comment on his procession of girls into his bed each night, he had no right to judge me. He had no reason to comment on my behavior, as it in no way effected him or our living arrangement. He didn't hear me screaming in the wee hours of the morning... like his naughty tarts did! I always stayed out of his way and my feet were definitely not imposing! His busy sex life and relationships however did impact me and living there was often uncomfortable. So how could he turn to me and verbally abuse me for enjoying private ped pleasures? I was furious, but I tried to reason with him. He said that I was wrongfully secretive and that I was somehow mentally ill. He was a young guy in his twenties with lots of his own sexual kinks, but like so many other people - he thought foot fetish was a psychological and mental disorder and that he had the right to actually know if I had this awful fetish! He called me a freak, and some other very nasty words. I stated that it wasn't his business and to just forget about it. I told him to do 'his thing' and that my husband and I would do ours. I thought he'd drop it. I hoped he would, but instead he said, Wouldn't you want to know if you were living with a pedophile or rapist? If I was a child molester - wouldn't you feel that you had the right to know? Would you want to live with someone sick like that? You have a foot fetish and you didn't tell me! How dare you bring that into the house? Oh my goodness, that moment is forever burnt into my mind and it just broke my heart. I thought he and I were friends. He obviously had no trouble making judgments on something that he clearly didn't understand. How could he compare me to a child molester or rapist? A week or so later we made up the best we could, but the damage was done and a short time later he moved out. I can't begin to tell you how difficult it is for me to open up about my foot fetish now. And though a lot of people comment on the small size of my feet or how pretty they are... I still don't let them know anymore than they need to. I am confident with myself, but I really don't like the term foot fetish or freak. I therefore am comfortable just "hiding in my shoes," and I try to keep my foot fancies to myself... only my husband, (and now my website members) share in my guilty pleasure -- my passion for peds. 

I'd like to close by saying that it is too easy for others to say that our foot fetish is a pathological disorder or that men / women with this obsession are suffering from some childhood trauma or Oedipus complex. Unfortunately I think that the concept of a foot lover can often scare women away from men, even if they could or would actually enjoy the pleasurable indulgences of the ped. Incidentally I found another term which might be used instead of foot fetish. "In psychology and sexology, Paraphilia is a term that describes sexual arousal in response to sexual objects or situations which may interfere with the capacity for reciprocal affectionate sexual activity. However it is important to notice that the term can be and is also used to imply 'less mainstream sexual practices' but without negatively implying any dysfunction or wrongness." Of course no matter what we call our obsession, fascination, desire or even kink... it will take a long time before the social norm is accepting of foot fetishism. They are missing out - Not us. The Foot Rules!